Fasting and Prayer

My life is at a crossroad of sorts. My book project has stalled. I'm wondering if I should give up. It's okay if I do, but I'm trying to get to the bottom of the "Why". The who am I- what am I- of it all. In other words, what are my motives? So I've been doing a fast to clear out the cobwebs. I'm a juice and soup faster and for this carb-especially-chocolate-loving girl, it's a struggle... did I mention my caffeine headache? The green tea isn't cutting it. My body's resistance and protests tell me that my dependency, though on the Lord, gets a major boost from refined sugar and my beloved coffee.

So after two days where am I? In the thick of it- the place where I'm listening to the sermons on the tongue amongst other things, and getting convicted all over the place. But I am feeling God's love, grace and mercy. If I didn't know that He loved me first, I couldn't even face myself, and this fast-small as it is - would be just empty religion.

My conclusion, corny as this may sound, is that I'm going to let Jesus take the wheel.

Speaking Out of Turn

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong- Train

Sometimes you just need somebody to believe in you. Even when you're wrong.
I'm wrong a lot, but I'm passionate about it. Sometimes I get this knee-jerk thing that happens when one of my six or seven hot buttons gets pushed and before I know it I am launching off an opinion that can clear a room. Once when I was campaigning for my husband's first senate race I was explaining the importance of bumper stickers to a group of homeschoolers and in the middle of my speel they just turned around and walked away. Well not everyone- but one or two...

I've been banned from a lovely bed and breakfast in Kennebunkport Maine- only kidding- but if the owners had been privy to the conversation at our table it would have been curtains for me. My husband the lawyer-lobbyist-former senator- said that he thought it was refreshing to be the one that people liked.

Of course I hate myself afterwards but there you have it- the reason that I will never run for public office. One of them anyway.

Tin Men

"Oz didn't give nothing to the tin man, that he didn't, didn't already have." -Dewey Bunnell


The Wizard of Oz was on the other night and it triggered memories for my husband.
David played the Cowardly Lion in his sixth grade production of the Wizard of Oz. He was a precocious boy, the kind of kid that C.S. Lewis was, the kind that people wanted to "wipe that look off his face". Giving David that part allowed him to throw his energy into a wildly popular character and perform with raucous abandon. Our neighbor, Ann, was cast as the Scarecrow and a boy who I never met was the Tin Man.

The Tin Man boy had some problems and was teased by some of his classmates. I'm sure his life had happy moments along with the sad, as we all do, but at some point later on in his adult life he committed suicide.

I wonder how many Tin Men out there need to know that they are loved for who they are. I pray- Jesus make it real. Make love real.

We're all tin men.

fa la la la la la la

"It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees."- Joni Mitchell


We have a beautiful Christmas tree that we cut down at a tree farm forty minutes or so from St. Louis. On the way home it was windy and we were concerned that my husbands eagle scout knots wouldn't hold- but they did.

I hosted the annual neighborhood Bunco Christmas party at our country club. I really stress over hosting Anything- even if all I have to do is choose a menu with the help of the incredible woman who's job it is to plan such things. It was wonderful and all of my stress was for naught.

Yesterday my family and I attended the sentencing of someone we love in the Federal Court building in St. Louis. Our friend pleaded guilty to two counts of fraud. He helped some New Zealanders get visas to come here and drive trucks. Our friend saw a need and thought he could fill it by the creative use of the system. Shortly after he was convicted the President said it was ok for some Mexicans to aquire the same type of visa. As Uncle Scar said so eloquently in The Lion King-"Life's not fair."

It's been a busy time.

To See the World in a Fortune Cookie

Can God speak through a Chinese fortune cookie?
I'm not placing my faith in them, but I have had a recent streak of finding them out of the blue. Like on the floor of the 24hour fitness locker room after my yoga workout.

The first message said,"It's not how much money you have, it's what you do with it."

I do stress over money, and the little message prompted me to pick up Suze Orman's book, The Laws of Money- which I own- and was reminded that I am to have power over money, not be a slave to it. Advice to self.

The second one-yes, there were two of them- said,"Believe in yourself and others will believe in you too."

I know in whom I believe, but I don't always believe that He has really called me for anything special. I can definitely fall into the Eeyore category. Oh poor me. Nobody cares about poor old me...

I study God's word. The Living Word. And it is life. It's nice though to get an unexpected- if somewhat goofy message- out of the blue.

Favorite Things

My friend Sharon Hinck wrote about things that ministered to her. "Little treats brought in by the ravens," she called them.
Here are some of mine:
Trips to the St.Louis Zoo or the Missouri Botanical Gardens preceded by pizza at Whole Foods with my children- who are like a band of merry maids and men.
The movie theater at Plaza Frontenac. A cozy old fashioned theater that does not offer stadium seating and plays movies like Miss Potter, Becoming Jane, and The Namesake.
Kennebunkport,Maine in Autumn with my dear husband. Breathe in that ocean air... The whole thing makes me absolutely giddy.(Okay, that's a big treat, but I'm on a roll.)
The smell of lavender and roses.
Yarn.
Felting crocheted things.

When I consider that the creator of the universe made me to respond to good things both small and great; I am overwhelmed. But then He uses the foolish things to confound the wise.

Inhale oxygen. Exhale the peace of the Lord.

I'm Writing A Book

Well, I'm finally doing it. All my life I've wanted to write a novel, and now- I'm actually doing it. It's a first attempt for me, but I want to say to the world, "I'm going for it!"
It's scary. It's slow. I feel awkward and vulnerable. Uncharted territory terrifies me. I know that I have nothing to lose by trying, but still...

For all of you out there in strange places, I wish you Godspeed! Remember-never give up; never give in!
(I feel like a character in "Galaxy Quest").